Monday, August 8, 2011

More Experience to Reinforce Negative Stereotype of "Men" Who Drive BMW 3-series!

Indeed, it's no secret that I believe there's no man worth knowing who drives a BMW 3-series. I almost believe that BMW dealers are required to administer an "arrogant prick" test to everyone who tries to buy one, and men can only be approved for purchase of a 3-series "Beamer" if they score high enough.

(Women who drive 3-series BMWs appear to not be associated with the arrogant prick-iness, and can be otherwise perfectly normal and nice people)

Witness my experience from last weekend as I was portaging 2/3 of my children from the Old Navy parking lot out to the road so we could advance to BJ's Wholesale Club. As we moved at the normal parking lot speed through the parking aisle, I saw the easily-identifiable back end of a BMW 3-series (easily identifiable due to the many, many observations of the back ends of BMW 3-series as they swerve, dart, and otherwise aggressively overcompensate for themselves in the midst of heavy traffic).

"Look up there, kids," I said, "this is why you need to be extra careful in parking lots, because that car up there has its brake lights on, like the guy just started up the car. I can tell it's a BMW, so the guy's probably going to just pull right out of that spot without looking."

And sure enough, all this happened as I got right up to the BMW. His back-up lights turned on and immediately the car started backing swiftly out of the spot. Being the incredibly talented and situationally aware worse-than-average driver that I am, I had my right hand perched on the powerful Sienna's horn button and I laid it on him!

And of course, the man driving this 3-series stopped suddenly to let me pass on and continue my trip down the parking lot. Probably he spent a few minutes in deep concentration trying to figure out how to blame his arrogant prick-iness on me, but then lost his stream of thought and continued on with his day, confident in his bought superiority and status he thinks a 3-series can give.

So to review:

1) All men who drive BMW 3-series continue to be aggressive arrogant pricks,
2) BMW dealers continue to be great at funneling such quality individuals to the 3-series,
3) The 2008 Toyota Sienna SE is the greatest minivan ever,
4) As long as it's completely clear that I care less about my car than you do, I win at these little games of "parking lot chicken," no matter what I am driving.

An odd thing about the whole BMW situation is that drivers of 5- and 7- series don't seem to fit into any category, they're just as apt to be nice as they are to be turds. It's mostly the 3-series that is guaranteed to be owned by men who are suck holes. But the SUV variants of the BMW are almost as bad as the 3-series.


  1. You're SURE it wasn't a woman BMW driver?

  2. Ugh... This is what I hate about my bmw. If I ever pass a person trying to cross a street without stopping for them I beat myself up for perpetuating the stereotype.