Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Capzasin alert!

So I heard of this stuff "capzasin," a balm of sorts that can be rubbed
on achy joints to ease the pain associated with rheumatoid arthritis or
other muscle aches. It's made of the same stuff (capzasin, go figure!)
that makes hot chili peppers hot.

It now comes in a convenient rub-on applicator, like a bingo card
marker. I thought it would be a nice thing to buy some for Courtney to
see if it would help with her symptoms. So I got a tube yesterday
afternoon and tested it on my knuckles after work. My knuckles were,
for the sake of this true story, aching from a long day of typing emails
and other work-related projects.

So I rub it on the knuckles of both hands around 4:20. I feel nothing
after about 15 minutes, so I do it again. Stuff like Icy Hot you can
feel immediately, so I thought I didn't put on enough.

That is when I chose to read the instructions. The first line says DO
NOT APPLY TO HANDS. WASH HANDS IMMEDIATELY AFTER CONTACT.

Oh boy. There's no water in the car so I think "how bad can it be, I
don't feel anything right now." But just to be safe, I try avoiding
touching my eyes or nose or pretty much anything else.

After dinner, my hands are totally burning, like a bad bad sunburn, or
like I put my hands too close to the grill for too long. Constant
irritation and stinging, like my hands just ate a hot pepper!

But I can't tell Courtney because she'll ask what was I thinking in the
first place and I must avoid that embarrassment.

And then I go to bed at 10:00 and my eye starts burning. I must have
touched my eye at some point. Not a good night's sleep for me.

And even as I drove to work this morning, more than 14 hours after
putting that crap on my hands, the backs of my fingers are still
sensitive and irritated.

Those Capzasin people weren't joking when they said not to get it on
your hands, man!

Yet after this, I am strangely drawn towards further experiments. I
think this afternoon I might rub it on my.... hamstring muscle that
feels all tight after I go jogging, just to see what will happen there.

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